


Electric Brandy

by sudowoodo



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akiteru ships it, All the banter, Banter, But he's trying, Circa 2022, Drinking, F/M, I mean he's DEFINITELY not jealous he's just CONCERNED, Koganegawa ships it, Misunderstandings, Mundane Adult Life, Post-Canon, Post-Time Skip, Rarepair, School Reunion, Sendai Frogs fo lyf, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Unresolved high school crushes, Yachi Hitoka is anxious as heck, Yamaguchi (eventually) ships it, are they flirting? who knows, but she's trying!, get yourself a partner who helps you with your self improvement, mild jealousy, past relational traumas, the incredible high of truly opening up to someone, the intricate rituals of realising you have a crush on your best friend's high school crush, tsukki doesn't
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:15:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 19,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27749623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sudowoodo/pseuds/sudowoodo
Summary: There were four of them at the table — Tsukishima, Yachi, Yamaguchi, and Yamaguchi’s girlfriend. While the other two were engaged in conversation, Yachi suddenly jerked upright.“Did it just occur to you that it looks like we’re on a double date?” asked Tsukishima.Yachi hesitated, laughing slightly. Her face became drawn. “Not just that, but from the look on your face, Tsukishima-kun, people must think I’m the worst date ever.”Tsukishima snorted.She grinned and patted his arm. “Mm mm, great idea. Pretending like I said something funny!”“You did say something funny.”Three years after Adlers vs Black Jackals, Tsukishima runs into Yachi at the Frogs' local bar where she drunkenly decides a reunion is in order. Adult life is mundane as hell, so Tsukishima isn't totally against it. And they seem to click better now than they did in high school. They might even become actual friends this time around.It's not like any half-baked high school crushes could get in the way of that.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei & Yachi Hitoka, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yachi Hitoka, Yachi Hitoka & Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 101
Kudos: 181





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got sucked into rarepair hell, so I truly appreciate any kudos or comments thrown my way...
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

Kozan — the bar the Sendai Frogs frequented — was not unique, peaceful, or otherwise appealing in any way. There were always rowdy office workers taking up space, or out of control high school reunions, or tourists crowding in for Tanabata Matsuri in July. Some unfortunate days, there were all three.

Today was one of those days.

The players had just about managed to get themselves some seats, but even so the tables had been cramped together to make room, and were made for regular sized people in the first place. Knees were constantly knocking underneath, and Kyōtani would probably gnaw your ankle off if he caught you trying to play footsie. Obstinance — and some sort of entitlement due to it being his third year on the team — were the only things stopping Tsukishima from putting his foot down and demanding they find a new local.

He did suggest it quite often, though.

Two separate parties had already tried to steal Koganegawa’s cushion before he returned from the bathroom. He clambered over Tsukishima, a total mess of limbs, almost toppling them both in his urgency to sit down. 

“I hope that’s water that’s wetting your hands,” said Tsukishima, grimacing and wiping himself down.

Panting, Koganegawa crouched low over the table, eyeing them conspiratorially. 

“Don’t look now,” he said with grandiose, voice raised over the din. “But there’s a beautiful girl over there!”

Tsukishima blinked slowly, turning to Kyōtani. “So, what’s going on with you these days?”

Kyōtani stared at him, then sat up in his seat.

“I said don’t look!” yelped Koganegawa.

“She’s hot,” said Kyōtani, sitting back down and slouching.

“Beautiful!” corrected Koganegawa, clasping his hands over his chest.

Tsukishima sighed, resting his head in his hands. “If you wanted to talk to girls, we should have gone to a club.”

“ _Huh?_ Tsukishima, you wanna go meet girls?”

“I was joking. You can’t talk to girls in a club either.”

Koganegawa laughed. “Oh, I get it. Way too loud, right?”

“No, girls just don’t like talking to idiots.” Koganegawa squawked and Kyōtani snorted. He was talking about both of them, though. Tsukishima sighed again and stood up. “Bathroom…”

In reality, Tsukishima was the fool for still agreeing to go drinking with these two. But adult life was mundane as hell. It was just work, weekend, volleyball. Cooking. Washing up. Food shopping. Never ending. He’d already lost touch with most of the people he spent his time with in college. Yamaguchi was still around, of course, but that was about it.

It was inane.

He dried his hands properly and was coming up the stairs when someone ran right into him. It was a girl — a very short girl — and she shrieked when she collided with him. She blinked up at him, neck craned despite being a step above him on the stairs, and gasped. 

“Tsukishima-kun?”

It took him a moment. Small. Blonde. Highly anxious. “Oh… Yachi-san?”

Yachi had changed a bit. Her hair was the same as she wore it at the Adlers vs Black Jackals match, so it wasn’t that. But maybe the shape of her face was different. She looked older, anyway. The last time they met they were still in college after all. She must have been out for the night because she was dressed up a bit — wearing a slimming black top with a neckline sweeping just above the slightest shadow of cleavage. A delicate gold chain with small, intermittent stars rested below her throat.

For a moment he just stared at her collarbones. Then it sunk in. 

Those idiots. Were talking. About _Yachi?_

Yachi trembled, then grabbed the front of his jacket and shook him madly. “Wah! Tsukishima-kun, help me!”

“What? What’s wrong?” Tsukishima’s head swung around to check on Koganegawa, but he was still safely contained at their tiny table. Was some other creep harassing her? Stalking her?

Yachi looked close to tears as she implored him. “I’m drinking with my senpais from work! They’re buying round for round!”

Tsukishima froze, then let out a small laugh. Yachi actually hadn’t changed at all. “Are you joking? I thought something serious happened.”

“It is serious!” she wailed. “They’re all middle aged guys with beer bellies, and I’m just a tiny girl!” She dropped her face into her hands, sobbing. “How am I supposed to keep up? I’m weak with alcohol as it is. Do I need to puke once to keep going? Ah—” She began trudging down the stairs to the toilets with a glazed look. “When in Rome, I suppose…”

Tsukishima caught her by the arm. “You’re not in Rome, Yachi-san. Your senpais aren’t going to care — just tell them to skip you on the next round or something.”

“I can’t! They don’t ask — they just place them front of me!” Her eyes became fixed. “I have three beers waiting at the table.”

“Three?” he repeated. No — what was he thinking? “They’re gonna get warm.”

“Oh! I know — Tsukishima-san, what if you hid under the table—”

He swung around to abandon her, but she stayed clinging on.

“No!” she bawled. “Don’t leave!”

Tsukishima glanced around as a few people from a nearby table threw them odd looks. Suddenly nervous about this scene they were creating in the middle of the stairwell to the toilets, he reached down and patted her awkwardly on the back. 

Jeez, was he drunk? 

He stopped quickly. “You know it’s their own money they’re wasting, right? If they can’t get the hint—”

“I know! I know I’m wasting their money, but I can’t help it!”

“That’s not what I—”

“What’s more—” she interrupted, “—we’ve been here all evening and I haven’t paid for a single round yet!”

“Eh? If they’re your senpais, they’re not going to want you paying, right?”

“Oh, r-right.” She laughed airily. Breathing a little more calmly, she looked up at him as if realising for the first time who she was talking to. She glanced over his shoulder, smiling brightly. “Haha, it’s so weird running into you, Tsukishima-kun! Is Yamaguchi-kun around?”

“We’re not actually attached at the hip, you know.”

“Awh, I see.” She averted her eyes awkwardly. 

Yeah. This was awkward. It’s not like the two of them were ever that close. The other guys seemed to bond with her so easily, almost immediately, but Tsukishima had always felt some disconnect there. He didn’t understand it. In theory they should have been close simply by virtue of being the two smartest people in the group. He’d even felt like he understood her pretty well back then. He just never seemed to say the right thing.

Yachi hovered shakily, then turned and gave him a smile and a little wave. “Well… nice seeing you, Tsukishima-kun.”

“Hey—” Tsukishima called after her. She turned back, eyes wide and curious. Surprised, even. Tsukishima was surprised as well. Honestly, he just didn’t want to go back to the guys just yet, but he didn’t know what he was planning to say either.

He slipped his phone out of his pocket, noticing an intense aura emanating from across the room. “Pretend like you’re giving me your number. I wanna piss off some idiots over there.”

Yachi laughed brightly. She took his phone, eyes widening suddenly. “Oh, my phone got stolen awhile ago and I lost all my contacts. Let me just…” She scrolled through his numbers, finding her name and hitting the call button. 

Tsukishima wasn’t even aware he still had her number. It’s not like he was bothered deleting it, though.

“Got it!” she said, giving a thumbs up. Tsukishima scanned her face.

“It’s not like you’re going to need it.”

“Hey! You don’t know that!” She gasped suddenly and clapped her hands together. “Oh my gosh, we should plan a reunion!”

“Oh. No, thanks.”

“Awh, we should, though! Wouldn’t that be fun?”

“N—”

“I’m gonna text Yamaguchi-kun tomorrow and set it up!” she cut in. She clasped her hands in front of her chest, beaming. “I’m totally gonna do it!”

“I thought you lost your contacts.”

“I did, but he already texted me and we figured it out!”

Tsukishima’s brow twitched. Yamaguchi never mentioned texting Yachi. 

He straightened himself up and fixed his glasses. “You say that now, but aren’t you going to wake up tomorrow and be too embarrassed to do it? You’ll be like, man, that seemed like a great idea when I was drunk. But then you’ll overthink it, and panic, and eventually you’ll waste enough time that it won’t even be worth it anymore. Just save the time and energy, Yachi-san — there’s no point forcing yourself.”

“It’s not like that,” she replied boldly. Tsukishima stopped in his tracks as Yachi stared up at him, clenching her fists. “I’m not as anxious as I was back in high school, or at least I’m trying not to be. That’s why I won’t let the awkwardness stop me from meeting up with different people, drinking, and having fun!”

Tsukishima narrowed his eyes. “This isn’t _Night is Short_. Aren’t you just feeling that way because your colleagues are all middle aged dudes and you haven’t made any friends?”

She gave him a hearty thumbs up. “Most of my college friends emigrated. And I got dumped last month!”

Tsukishima actually let out a short burst of laughter. Yachi grinned widely at him, eyes sparkling. The too-bright lights caught the tiny star-shaped studs in each of her ears that matched the chain around her neck. Any other day, he mightn’t have noticed. He’d had to update his prescription recently. Things were a lot clearer now.

“Anyway, that’s not important. I’d like to see you guys again. It’s been too long!”

“Hm, no thanks,” sang Tsukishima, turning to head into the crowd. 

“Yamaguchi’s going to drag you along either way!” she shouted after him. “I’m — I’m texting him right now!”

“Get a glass of water, Yachi-san.”

When he made it back to the table, Koganegawa was sobbing into his hands. “Tsukishima, you jerk! You total jerk!”

Distracted by the idea that Yachi was about to drunk-text Yamaguchi, he wasn’t quick enough to come with anything to mess with the aforementioned idiot. Eventually he just sighed. “How unobservant are you? That was Yachi-san, Karasuno’s manager.”

Koganegawa’s head jolted upright. “What? The cute one? That cute girl became so beautiful??” He paused, then jumped to his feet. “I’m gonna go talk to her!”

Tsukishima grabbed Koganegawa’s shirt and yanked him back down. “Absolutely not.”

“Why not? I have an in!”

“Because you’re an idiot.”

“Oooh, so you’re saying she’s into smart guys?” Switching gears, Koganegawa waggled his eyebrows and elbowed Tsukishima in the ribs a few times. “Did you guys ever… _you know?_ Back in high school?”

Tsukishima raised himself up and smiled. “I’d never have such lurid thoughts about my precious manager.”

“That wasn’t the question,” put in Kyōtani.

Right on time, Tsukishima’s phone vibrated in his pocket. He glanced at the bar, to see Yachi’s face behind a large glass of water, grinning evilly at him. 

“Ah,” he said. “Shit.”


	2. Chapter 2

Karasuno 1st Yr Volley Reunion!!!  
  
**Yesterday** 09:10 PM **Yachi Hitoka (Volleyball Club)** added you **Yachi Hitoka (Volleyball Club)** added **Freak #1** **Yachi Hitoka (Volleyball Club)** added **Tadashi** **Yachi Hitoka (Volleyball Club)** added **Freak #2**  
**Yesterday** 09:16 PM  
Yachi Hitoka (Volleyball Club)  
Guuuuys! I just ran into TSUKKI and he had a great idea we were we were saying we totally should have a reunion!! Want do you guys think????  
Why does it say first year? I distinctly remember graduating.  
Also, Yachi’s drunk.  
**Today** 01:34 AM  
Freak #1  
WHHAAATAT  
YACHIIIII  
NO FAIR  
I’M NOT EVEN IN JAPAN!!!  
Freak #2  
Same  
Yachi Hitoka (Volleyball Club)  
Noooo aahhh 😭😭😭😭 Again???  
You’re still out?  
Freak #1  
lol yeh its lunchtime here sleepyshima  
i’m havin yakuniku  
they call it churasco something tho  
I was talking to Yachi-san  
Freak #1  
nooo but I’m so mad tho aaahhahaha  
we gotta meet wen i’m back!!! srsly!!!  
**Today** 11:03 AM  
Tadashi  
I’m sorry, Tsukki said what?  


Yachi Hitoka (Volleyball Club)  
  
**Today** 02:30 AM You’re not dead in a ditch somewhere are you  
**Today** 01:45 PM Ah! Sorry Tsukishima-kun  
I stayed out late but I got home alright!  
Thanks for checking in! 😊  


Karasuno 1st Yr Volley Reunion!!! (Second Attempt!)  
  
**Today** 03:19 PM **Yachi Hitoka (Volleyball Club)** added you **Yachi Hitoka (Volleyball Club)** added **Tadashi**  
**Today** 03:43 PM  
Yachi Hitoka  
OK 😅  
This time for real 👍  
If you guys are free (and in the country)… want to meet up?  
Tadashi  
Definitely!  
Right, Tsukki? 😊  



	3. Chapter 3

“Are you sure this is a good idea, Yamaguchi?”

Yamaguchi glanced up from taking a sip of his beer. “Eh?”

They were back at Kozan, for unknown reasons. Apparently there were no other bars in all of Sendai that could handle a reunion party of three introverts on a Wednesday night. At least it was early enough that the coasters weren’t sticking to the table.

Tsukishima fixed his glasses. “I mean, this is Yachi-san.”

Yamaguchi laughed lightly. “I know that.”

“The Yachi-san you were in love with for three years.”

Yamaguchi smiled in the unassuming, reassuring way he had. Tsukishima did not trust him. “I _know_. That’s in the past, though.” 

“Have you seen her recently?”

“Um— I mean, I’ve seen her Insta.” He swallowed and glanced up with wary eyes. “Why?”

“I don’t know. The air around her is different. Mature, I guess.” Tsukishima rested his chin in his hand. “Maybe working life suits her.”

“Ah, I get that. Like when ladies in the supermarket start calling you _-san_ instead of _-kun?”_ Yamaguchi sighed loudly, closing his eyes. “At what point do we stop being young adults and start being proper adults, anyway?”

“I think we’ve missed that milestone already.”

“What, really?”

Tsukishima glanced around, checking the doors. He knew Yachi would probably be nervous as hell upon arrival, so he’d chosen seats nearest the entrance to minimise her stress. Regardless of her determination, this couldn’t have been easy on her. It took her thirty minutes to compose a message to the group chat _she_ createdwhile sober, for God’s sake.

Perhaps Tsukishima paid too much attention to the timestamps on text messages. Perhaps there were reasons he was still single.

“Anyway, Yuzuki and I are really happy together,” continued Yamaguchi, unprompted. “Those old feelings don’t mean anything now.”

“Hm.”

“And, like you said back then. It’s not like any of us had a chance with her in the first place.”

Tsukishima paused. “I mean, that was just a guess.”

And then Yachi walked in. She was dressed in cropped slacks and a neat short-sleeved blouse, carrying an art case with her. The expression on her face was a bit frantic, but Tsukishima rose up in his seat when he saw her and caught her gaze. Her face brightened and she closed her eyes in a relieved sigh before hurrying over. 

Yamaguchi got to his feet, calling out to her with a smile. They hugged — sufficiently awkward, Tsukishima thought — the art case getting in the way and everything. Tsukishima took the excuse of being on the far side of the table to avoid the hug and just go with a wave. She grinned at him, blabbering apologies for being so late and then sitting down opposite them. It crossed his mind that it looked a little like she was attending an interview. 

She was wearing the same earrings as the last time, but a collar pin in place of the necklace. She looked so nice that Tsukishima was kind of bothered that he hadn’t tried a little harder, wearing the same button down shirt and sweater combination he’d worn to work. Though he had spent some time deciding.

In the middle of gushing about how exciting this was and how long it had been, Yachi froze. Her eyes dropped to the beer waiting on the table in front of her.

“Oh, I hope you don’t mind, I went ahead and got the first round,” said Tsukishima with smile.

She laughed at first, and then broke down in wails. “Don’t betray me like this, Tsukishima-kun!”

“What the—?” started Yamaguchi. “What did I miss?”

Tsukishima smirked, a little too pleased with himself. 

Recovering and laughing, Yachi placed her bag on the table. She rummaged a bit then raised up her purse determinedly. “Then, the next one’s on me!”

Yamaguchi waved his hands. “No, no, Yachi-san — I’ll get it.” 

“Please!” she cried, bowing her head. “I’m the youngest in my office — I never get to buy a round!” She laughed and raised a finger into the air. “Though, after that I’ll be going at my own pace! I won’t give in to peer pressure! Not this time!”

Tsukishima chuckled and rested his chin in his hand. Yachi was pretty fun, actually.

The night also turned out to be pretty fun. Tsukishima realised now that maybe he’d been a little nervous. He knew how Yachi felt — friends moving away, breakups, losing touch. The older he got, the harder it was to make any real connections with people. Work friends were just work friends. Teammates were… idiots. Getting back in touch with old friends felt like a defeat, somehow. Like you’d never really managed to grow up. But, here, now, the question that occurred to him most was why they’d ever lost touch in the first place.

He even found himself kind of missing the other two freaks. You know, just because they were prime material for a snide comment or two.

The thing was, when it came to Yamaguchi and Yachi, Tsukishima had always felt like a bit of a third wheel. He was sure that Yachi had never returned Yamaguchi’s feelings. He was fairly certain she never would. But, even so, they got on well as friends. Something Tsukishima had never quite managed. 

So when Yamaguchi went to the bathroom, the two of them fell silent. Tsukishima was totally fine with silence. Actually, he quite enjoyed silence. But he knew other people had problems with it for unknown reasons, and that he was expected to put in an effort to fill it.

Nah. Maybe this time he wanted to fill it. Wanted to try, at least.

He sighed heavily. Yachi jolted upright.

She laughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of her head. “So… um, sorry for being so drunk last time, Tsukishima-kun.”

Tsukishima shrugged. “It’s fine. I was pretty tipsy, too.”

Yachi’s eyes flew wide. “You were? But you seemed totally sober!”

“Did I? I thought I was acting like a teenager.”

“Huh? In what way?”

Tsukishima looked at her, remembering the conversation — brief as it was — that they’d had that night. About overcoming her anxiety. About wanting to meet people and make friends. About getting outside of her comfort zone. 

And getting dumped, too.

He took a sip of his drink, steeling himself. “Yeah. I was acting like I was too cool to want to meet up with you guys.”

Yachi clasped her hands over her mouth, suddenly giving him puppy dog eyes. He cringed away, regretting this already. 

“So, what you’re saying is…” Yachi gasped slightly. “You actually _wanted_ to come, Tsukishima-kun?”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes. “I mean. Sure. It’s better than drinking with the weirdos on my team.”

He scrunched his face up. He was doing it again. He was about to correct it, calculating exactly how to express himself without sounding cheesy. But when he looked at Yachi, her eyes were already flooded.

“Tsukishima-kun!” she cried. “What happened?? You’ve changed so much! You’re admitting you’re having fun? You’re talking about your feelings??”

“Uh, yeah,” he said, choking slightly. “Even I can admit when I like something. Sometimes.” He took another drink, hoping to cool his face down. Then he straightened up and smiled. “I’m a big boy now.”

Well, now he was just being creepy. Plus, it wasn’t even true. He was just trying something out. With Yachi, he felt like she’d understand. 

She was trying her best to be less anxious. Maybe he could try his best to be more honest, too. 

Yachi just laughed and smiled at him. “That’s great!” she said, crinkling her eyes shut. _So genuine_ , he thought. Tsukishima studied her for a moment. It was pretty uncomfortable to say these things, but it was impossible without practice. And if he wanted to communicate better, he had to start somewhere.

Not to mention, he could sort of understand the appeal of being a bit more open.

Yamaguchi had his phone out when he returned, in the middle of texting Yuzuki. Guys with girlfriends were unbearable. And they always went home early.

Well, Tsukishima had been just the same up until recently.

Was a year recent?

“Are you being summoned?” he asked. “I was about to order more food.”

“No, no, go ahead,” said Yamaguchi, still immersed in his phone. Tsukishima stole a glance at Yachi, to see her smiling bracingly back.

Yamaguchi’s phone pinged. “Oh! Did you guys see the photos of Tanaka and Shimizu-san’s baby?”

Tsukishima stiffened, glancing at Yachi to check her reaction. But she seemed totally fine, even squealing excitedly.

“Yes! Oh, Tsukishima-kun, did you see them? You have to!”

“I really don’t.”

She took her phone out anyway and tapped for a moment before turning her phone to show him. He took a cursory glance and snorted. 

“What??”

He pressed his hand over his mouth. “It looks just like Tanaka!”

“Don’t call a baby an _it_ ,” said Yamaguchi, glancing up with a frown.

“Huh? But I don’t know their pronouns.”

Yachi was staring at the picture, horrified. “No… No! I can’t unsee it!” She held her hands over her face, trying not to laugh. Or maybe cry? It was hard to tell. “ _Why_ , Tsukishima-kun? Why would you say that?”

Tsukishima grinned to himself. “So, would you guys prefer the spicy calamari or the tempura?” he asked, flipping the menu over. Yamaguchi was still distracted with his texting, and Yachi had dropped her head down onto the table. Tsukishima caught the waitress’ eye and ordered the tempura.

At this point he realised they were drunk. It was always clear when he started ordering food — subconsciously trying to soak up some of the alcohol content of his stomach. For his part, Yamaguchi finally put his phone down and reached for his drink, almost knocking it over in the process. When Yachi raised her head, her bangs were all mussed up and her eyes were a little bloodshot. 

She laughed soullessly. “I guess there really are people our age out there being proper adults, huh?”

Tsukishima pushed his hair from his eyes. “It’s not like marriage and kids make you a proper adult. Not nowadays, anyway.”

Yachi nodded, but cast her gaze downward with a forced smile.

“Ah, don’t worry, Yachi-san!” chimed in Yamaguchi. “You never know when you’re going to meet the love of your life, right?”

Yachi immediately brightened. “Mm, yeah, you’re right!”

Tsukishima tapped his foot. How exactly was that more comforting than what he’d said?

When the food arrived, he shared the small dish with Yachi. They were both lightweights with small stomachs, after all.

* * *

Eventually, things wound down and the bar that was usually bustling was, for once, totally dead. Even the staff seemed eager to go home early, and the volleyball reunion members all had work in the morning. So they stepped out into the humid twilit air, comfortably spirited and sated. They walked together, still talking and joking, until Yachi stopped abruptly, declaring she was going in completely the wrong direction. 

The empty street felt loud as they said their goodbyes — orange streetlamps and drunken exclamations. Promises were made and a lot of platitudes. Tsukishima’s cheeks were warm.

Yamaguchi and Yachi hugged first, and then she hugged Tsukishima, smiling shyly but not really meeting his eyes. He could have rested his chin on the top of her head. He would actually have to slouch to do it.

“Text me when you get home safe!” called Yamaguchi, as Yachi started heading off in the other direction.

“Oh, sure!” she shouted happily back. She grinned widely at them, waving her arms above her head. “Thanks! See you guys soon!”

Yamaguchi giggled to himself. Tsukishima gave him a look, then turned around and started walking.

“What?” asked Yamaguchi, jogging to catch up.

“Nothing, Mister Hashtag Nice Guy.”

“That’s not… oh, come on.”

“I don’t seem to recall you ever asking _me_ to text you when _I_ get home safe. That hurts, Yamaguchi.”

“Don’t act like you don’t understand the difference.”

Tsukishima put his hands in his pockets as he walked. He remembered someone in high school saying that Yamaguchi would be the first to get a girlfriend. Well, he had certainly been the most successful. He and Yuzuki were that couple that everyone said would definitely get married, go the distance, all that. Meanwhile, what people said about Tsukishima and his ex was… _huh?_

_You guys don’t even act like you like each other._

“So, if she doesn’t text, do you ring emergency services? Or her mother? I think you need to wait a few days before filing a missing persons’ report.”

Yamaguchi’s eyes widened. “I… well, I never thought about that.”

“So, it’s not about her safety, is it? It’s about appearing like a sweet, caring guy.”

“I _am_ a sweet, caring guy,” said Yamaguchi, punching his arm with that disarming smile.

“Hm.” Well, that was actually fair. 

They reached the street where they usually separated, slowing to a stop. Tsukishima glanced at Yamaguchi, who raised his eyebrows back at him. 

Yamaguchi laughed suddenly. “A-anyway, you’re way overthinking it. You can be nice just to be nice.”

“Eh? No, I can’t.”

“ _Some_ people can be nice to be nice,” Yamaguchi corrected. “You know, I figure she actually appreciates it?”

Tsukishima glanced around at the street, but Yachi was already way out of sight. When she texted Yamaguchi later, would they keep chatting until late?

Tsukishima was happy to have Yachi back. Really, he was. But that didn’t change the fact that this seemed like a bad idea. 

He didn’t want his friends to do anything stupid.


	4. Chapter 4

Karasuno 1st Yr Volley Reunion!!! (Second Attempt!)  
  
**Today** 11:37 PM Yachi Hitoka  
Got home safe   
😊  
It was so great seeing you guys! We have to do it more often  
I really mean it!!!  
Tadashi  
Yeah for sure!  
How about every month or so? Tsukki and I usually see each other that often  
Yachi Hitoka  
Perfect!!  
I’ll join you guys next time then!  
If that’s OK I mean!!!  
Ahem.  
Just letting you guys know I got kidnapped by Yakuza on my way home. But it’s OK, I managed to escape using a cigarette butt, my glasses and my in depth knowledge of Hojojutsu knotwork as recorded by historian Yumio Nawa. However they have taken my keys so I’ll just sleep in a ditch tonight.  
Not that anyone cares.  
Yachi Hitoka  
… Don’t cry wolf Tsukishima-kun 😭   
Wwait Hojojutsu like Kinbaku?? Like bondage???  
Tadashi  
Very funny Tsukki  
Thanks I thought so too.  
Not sex bondage just regular bondage.  
Unless I entirely misread the situation.  
Yachi Hitoka  
Omg 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣  



	5. Chapter 5

The Frogs started pre-season training around that time. Which meant practice matches, which meant Tsukishima’s brother in a baseball cap and sunglasses conspicuously lurking in the stairwell of the stadium or at the back of the stands. Tsukishima never knew how he got their schedule. But at least that was something he was used to.

What he wasn’t used to was hitting his first spike during warm ups and subsequently jumping out of his skin at the simultaneous shout from the stand.

“NICE KILL!”

He stepped away from the net and scanned the stands from his peripherals. And there were Yamaguchi and Yachi, pressed against the barrier, waving happily at him. They cupped their hands over their mouths.

“Nice, Tsukki!”

“Woo, Tsukishima-kun!”

He swung his gaze back to the court as if he hadn’t seen them. 

“Uwoooh!” came Koganegawa’s voice from the setter’s corner. “Tsukki, you got fans! Tsuuuukki— Wait, isn’t that—?”

“Set the damn ball!” growled Kyōtani.

Yelping, Koganegawa turned back and tossed the incoming ball. Kyōtani sprinted and smashed it down. As Tsukishima was lining up again, Kyōtani dashed instead to the courtside, hopping the barrier and stopping in front of the stands. He yelled something up to the onlookers. 

More specifically, he yelled something up to _Yachi_.

Tsukishima’s mouth fell open. Yamaguchi stared frantically from him to Kyōtani and back again. Yachi stood, boggle-eyed, and then laughed lightly as she responded to whatever Kyōtani had said. 

Kyōtani only returned when the Captain yelled at him, jogging back to cut behind Tsukishima in the line for the spiking drills. Tsukishima grit his teeth, refusing to look at him.

“Don’t mind, Tsukki,” whispered Koganegawa on his next round. He gave him an awkward thumbs up.

“I _don’t_ mind,” Tsukishima replied. Even he could tell it was stiff. 

His friends had stopped by for his games before — actual tournament games, though, not practice matches. Those could be considered somewhat special occasions — but this was different. This was just day-to-day monotonous training.

It wasn’t like he didn’t take these things seriously. It wasn’t like he was going to ‘get fired up’ just because his old teammate and manager were watching. But, at the same time, he certainly wasn’t going to lose.

Not to the opponent. And not to Kyōtani either.

After the matches, he showered quickly and thoroughly and dressed in record time. Swinging his bag over his shoulder, he called out a curt goodbye and strode to the door. 

Koganegawa whipped him with a towel. “Go get ya girl, Tsukki!”

There were a couple of _oohs_ from the other teammates, and it was at that exact moment that Kyōtani emerged from the showers in his towel. He froze, then clenched his fists and stared Tsukishima down. Tsukishima, genuinely baffled and unable to come up with a quick rebuff, just rolled his eyes and left.

He walked fast to the lobby, muttering under his breath. Any overreaction or denial on his part would mean he’d never hear the end of this. He had to think of a way to kill it before it took on a life of its own.

Man, he missed having a girlfriend. Just to lord it over the others when he could, and to avoid these kinds of situations. Guys would take any girl you glanced at within a five mile radius and assume you wanted to fuck her. Jeez. It was just _Yachi_. There was nothing to snicker about. Sure, he’d like to keep the Mad Dog away from her for obvious reasons. But it wasn’t like he wanted her for himself.

The easiest thing would be to ask her not to come to his matches. It wasn’t like he cared if she came or not. But how could he explain it? _Sorry, my teammates are shipping us together and one of them has his eye on you, so. Never return._

Well, that was just awkward. And it would definitely hurt her feelings. Which he didn’t feel like doing, since it was actually kind of sweet of her to come. Well — anyone else might have thought so. She probably _thought_ she was being supportive, at least. But if she knew him better, she might have known he didn’t really care about having fans in the crowd cheering for him and all that. Maybe that was just another part of the remaining second-hand trauma he’d inherited from his big brother. 

But, then again, it was pretty sweet to have some normal people to hang out with after the games.

Tsukishima’s steps faltered as he emerged to the seating area to see Yamaguchi sitting on the hard plastic seats, alone. Yamaguchi jumped to his feet with a smile as he approached.

“That was awesome, Tsukki! It’s so long since I’ve seen you play.”

Tsukishima glanced at the floor — no handbag — and then around the lobby. “… Thanks. Is Yachi-san in the bathroom?”

“Ah, right — she had to run back to her office for something. She said she might be able meet us later though!”

Tsukishima felt emotion rise up in his body. He inhaled, but there was not much air. 

What the hell? That definitely wasn’t going to happen.

Tsukishima turned and strode towards the door. 

“Whoa, everything OK?” asked Yamaguchi, jogging to catch up. “Oh, yeah — what was up with Mad Dog earlier?”

Tsukishima clicked his tongue. “No idea.”

“Well, OK… You don’t think it’ll become a problem if we keep coming, do you?”

“I don’t care either way,” said Tsukishima, and without stopping for breath continued, “—and you guys don’t need to come back, you know.”

“I know, I know,” said Yamaguchi, laughing. “You’ve said that before. But it would be cool to watch you during the season, right?”

“During the season I can’t go drinking after matches. If that makes any difference to you.”

Yamaguchi turned his head and blinked at him. “Huh?”

Tsukishima exhaled sharply. “Look — if you and Yachi-san want to spend some one-on-one time together, don’t bother involving me in the future.”

There was a pause as he made it out the door, and then Yamaguchi yanked his elbow, spinning him around. His eyes were alight, brow furrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Tsukishima raised himself up to his full height. “It’s obvious, isn’t it? The three of us being great pals all of a sudden — apparently that means you and Yachi-san chatting it up in the stands while I’m busy playing volleyball and being completely out of earshot. And I thought third-wheeling was bad.”

Yamaguchi’s mouth fell open, but Tsukishima apparently wasn’t done. 

“At first I thought maybe you were genuinely trying to being supportive, but now I’m not so sure. Anyway, just find some other way to spend your bonding time. I don’t want any part in you cosying up with a girl who isn’t your girlfriend.”

 _“What?”_ choked Yamaguchi, as it finally struck him. Tsukishima thought Yamaguchi wouldn’t be out of line for punching him in the face, but instead he just gaped at him and threw his hands up in the air. “Tsukki, I’m not trying to _cheat_ on Yuzuki. I wouldn’t _do_ that — what the hell kind of guy do you think I am?”

“It’s doesn’t matter,” said Tsukishima. “It doesn’t matter what kind of guy you are. Cheating _happens_. It’s circumstantial.”

Yamaguchi’s eyes widened. Tsukishima grit his teeth, his chest rising and falling. He averted his eyes quickly.

Well. This was bad.

“Tsukki…?” Yamaguchi’s voice softened, and he leaned this way and that trying to catch Tsukishima’s eye. “Um… sorry about this. But is it possible that this is more about you and Ichigo than me and Yuzuki?”

Tsukishima froze. His heart was hammering and his mind was racing and he… he was kind of triggered. He pinched the bridge of his nose, lifting his glasses and closing his eyes. “ _Shit_.”

Sighing heavily, he cracked his eyes open and glanced around. Evening was just falling and the courtyard outside the gymnasium was almost deserted. Before long the guys still inside would start trickling out. He strode to the nearest bench and threw himself down there for a brief moment, head in hands. 

God, he hated this. One year — one _whole_ year — and he was still messed up about this. Well, it was a messed up situation. But he hated how irrational it made him. It was stupid. And lame. And unnecessary. 

After a moment, Yamaguchi sat down stiffly next to him. He flailed for a moment before starting to babble.

“W-well, alright, I get where you’re coming from, I just… I don’t have any intentions, you know? What should I do? Should I invite Yuzuki the next time we have drinks? Look, I’ll call her right now—”

“No, don’t. I’m just being crazy.” Tsukishima rubbed his hands down his face, then removed his glasses and stared at them. “Sorry. I wasn’t trying to say anything about your character. And the situation’s totally different.” He paused, swallowing. “I mean, you guys are actually happy, right?”

Yamaguchi pressed his lips together, brow creased, and nodded.

Tsukishima breathed slowly in and out a few times. “Then I believe you.”

He put his glasses back on and stole a glance at Yamaguchi, who reached out and patted his back. “Tsukki… it’s been awhile since you thought about her, huh?”

Tsukishima just stared at him. He thought about Ichigo all the time. He had a mental debate with her at least once a week. 

A _year_. A whole _year_.

“Well, um… I know she wasn’t necessarily a bad person, but you sure give her a lot of credit. I mean… you do know it wasn’t your fault, right?”

“It’s not like the problems in a relationship are ever just one person’s fault. So it was at least partially my fault.”

“Well, sure, but—”

Tsukishima threw him a look, eyes narrowed threateningly. What was the end of that sentence? _But getting cheated on is another story, right?_

Tsukishima sighed. They’d been through this so many times, it was just boring. He rose to his feet, looking down on Yamaguchi. “We should get going before the bar fills up.”

Yamaguchi got up and brushed himself down, smiling encouragingly up at him. “Mm, right. We’ll need to save a seat for Yachi-san, too.”

“She’s not coming.” Yamaguchi blinked at him. Tsukishima closed his eyes, the setting sun hot on the back of his neck. “You seriously don’t get it? _I might catch up with you later_ is polite person speak for, _yeah, no, I’m definitely not coming_. _”_

“And what would you know about it?” said Yamaguchi, grinning and elbowing him in the ribs. Smile flickering, he studied Tsukishima’s face a moment longer. 

“What?” asked Tsukishima.

Yamaguchi paused. “Um. It seemed like she genuinely had to go for something important, so it — it’s not like she’s avoiding you or anything?”

Tsukishima raised one eyebrow. _“Hah?”_

Waving his hands up, Yamaguchi stammered. “N-no, nevermind — I just thought that maybe you were upset for more than one reason…”

Brain briefly short-circuiting, Tsukishima froze. He turned his back and started walking. “You’re buying the first round, you know.”

Yamaguchi dropped his head, sighing a laugh. “Yeah, that’s fair.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gggrh this chapter was so hard to write because all I wanted to write was more cute Tsukiyachi moments lol. Anyway, this was important for context but there will be plenty of cuteness in the next one, I promise! Thanks for all the support so far, I appreciate it so much! :)


	6. Chapter 6

Yachi Hitoka  
  
**Today** 09:19 PM Hey! Are you guys at Kozan?  
Yeah  
Yamuaguchi had to leave already though  
😓   
Are you sticking around for a bit??  
Probably  
But do t worry about stopping by  
I’ll just catch you next time  



	7. Chapter 7

“For the last time,” sighed Tsukishima, slamming his drink down and jabbing a drunken finger into the table. “That’s not how natural selection _works_. Nothing does the selecting and — and while I’m on it, we weren’t descended from _monkeys_. It’s _apes,_ like _chimpanzees_ — and we weren’t descended from those either, we just _share_ a common _ancestor_ —”

“Um, Tsukki—” cut in Koganegawa.

“—From eight _million years_ ago,” said Tsukishima, glancing up and suddenly freezing. 

Yachi was standing there in front of their table, grinning awkwardly with her eyes curved shut. She gave a cute little wave. Tsukishima felt all the blood drain out of his body only to rush to the surface a second later. And then there was the alcohol. The alcohol that comprised eighty percent of his body right now. Which, in an instant, all flooded traitorously to his head.

“Oh, er, hi,” he said, stumbling to his feet and almost knocking the small table over. He raised his arms in a sort of shrug, then hugged her. She giggled a little. He blushed harder. “I texted you.”

“Y-yeah, I was right around the corner though!”

Tsukishima fixed his glasses a little clumsily. He couldn’t think straight at all. He couldn’t believe he’d been wrong. 

She really came to see him? 

She really came to see him.

Well… it’s not like it was that big of a deal.

He cleared his throat. “I didn’t think you were coming.”

Yachi’s eyes widened, almost offended. “Huh? Of course I’d come — I didn’t even get a chance to say hi to you!”

Tsukishima stared at the ceiling, feeling dumber than he’d felt in a long time. But his heart was beating merrily.

“We… started without you,” he said, and gestured to the table as if it weren’t tremendously obvious.

She just grinned at him. “I’ll go to the bar — can I get you anything?”

“Er… water’s good.”

“Anyone else?” she asked the others with clasped hands. They rapidly shook their heads.

“OK! I’ll be right back!”

Feeling suddenly off balance, Tsukishima reached behind to find his seat. He kept his gaze locked on the light fixture above their heads as he reached for water bottle in his gym bag and starting gulping water.

“Don’t say a _word_ ,” he warned, sensing someone sniggering beside him. Koganegawa flung himself to the opposite side of the table, leaving the only free seat next to Tsukishima. Then he pointed a finger into Kyōtani’s face.

“Now, remember what I told you about the bro code!”

Kyōtani clicked his tongue. 

Tsukishima blinked. “Eh?”

 _“Sh,_ quick, she’s coming back!”

Tsukishima hid his water bottle and fixed his glasses, thinking this was stupid. And yet he was going along with it anyway. 

Yachi slipped in beside him, bringing her drink to her mouth and smiling nervously around at them. 

“Oh, erm, I ordered some small dishes,” she said, glancing up at Tsukishima. “I thought maybe you’d be hungry?”

“Yes, thank you,” he replied.

Tsukishima stared at the water she placed in front of him, thinking, _she knows_.

_Sober up, sober up, sober up!_

He could feel the eyes of his teammates boring into the side of his head. Koganegawa was sitting upright like a meerkat. Kyōtani’s arms were crossed.

He had to do introductions. He did not want to do introductions. 

After a long moment of silence, Koganegawa started to vibrate. He lunged forward on the table. “Hey! Yachi-san, isn’t it?” He pointed at himself, grinning. “Remember me?”

Yachi blinked fast and scrambled for words. She raised her finger into the air. “D-date tech’s giant setter!”

Koganegawa gasped and exploded into laughter.

“Um,” she said, laughing and rubbing the back of her head. “I-I don’t remember your names, though…”

Tsukishima glanced at Kyōtani, who had started to shift forward. He cut in. “This is Koganegawa. And that’s Kyōtani.”

Yachi made an awed sound. “So much alliteration!”

Tsukishima snorted. The other two just stared. 

“I’m gonna guess that’s a smart people joke,” said Koganegawa, and gave him a very obvious wink. 

“I wouldn’t say that.”

“Oh!” Yachi turned to Tsukishima with bright eyes. “And you’re Kei!” 

Everyone was silent. Yachi started to tremble. 

“Ah! S-sorry! Was that weird?” She cringed and rubbed the back of her head. “I was just remembering back in first year, watching from the stands with your big brother and he’d call you — uh, well of course he’d call you that, it is your nameafter all…” She trailed off, laughing nervously.

Tsukishima didn’t know what to say. “Oh… yeah. Back before you sat on the manager’s bench, right?”

“Mm hm!” said Yachi, almost gratefully. “Um… so, how is your brother anyway?”

“He’s… fine?”

Koganegawa looked as though he was trying very hard to compose himself. He twisted his head around, suddenly raising his voice to a different tone. “Oh? What’s that—? Dude, come check this out with me—” He yanked Kyōtani by the scruff and jumped to his feet. Kyōtani resisted but Koganegawa managed to grapple him into something like a headlock, dragging him away snarling. With his free hand, he ushered Yachi and Tsukishima with a simper. “You guys just keep catching up!”

Once the weirdo pair were out of earshot, Tsukishima dropped his head into his hands. Yachi made some confused and awkward noises. 

Tsukishima pushed his glasses up to his hair before letting them drop again. “Well, this is awkward.”

“S-sorry,” she said. “Should I not have come?”

Tsukishima thought for a moment. 

Yachi slumped. “Well, n-no need to think so hard about it.”

“No, it’s not that.” He sighed, pausing again. Honesty truly felt like pulling teeth. “I’m glad you came.”

She grinned at him and clasped her hands together, really heartfelt and fucking genuine. “Oh, Tsukishima-kun, it was so exciting watching you play!”

“You know I don’t really care about having people cheering for me, right?”

“Oh, but it’s not just that! I mean, just because Yamaguchi-kun and I don’t have anything to do with volleyball anymore doesn’t mean we don’t still want to bond with you over it.”

“Why should we bond about volleyball?”

Yachi’s eyes fixed on the table, a line appearing between her brows. “Then what should we bond about?”

Tsukishima’s brain was mush. “Uh…”

His eyes roved to the bar from which Koganegawa was ogling them, and Kyōtani was leering. He brought his hand up to hide his face and cleared his throat. “Oh… by the way, what did Mad Dog say to you, back at the court?”

She fixed him with a hardened stare. “He said… _do you know who I am?_ And I said, Mad dog, I mean… Seijoh’s wing spiker! And he… well, it seemed like he ran out of things to say then! And eventually he said, _I think my old teammate threw a ball at your head once!_ ”

Tsukishima spluttered.

“And I said, yeah! Two years in a row!”

“He’s so not smooth,” said Tsukishima, wiping his face after laughing so hard his stomach hurt. Honestly, what the hell was he worried about?

Yachi picked up her glass and glanced around. “Um… is it just me or does it seem like they’re not coming back?”

“No, you’re right. Kogane has some notion that there’s romantic prospects between us.”

In the middle of taking a sip, Yachi choked.

It occurred to Tsukishima that saying that kind of thing so bluntly might freak Yachi out. So he added, “Don’t mind them, though.”

“Right, right,” she agreed.

There was a moment’s pause. “No, really don’t,” he urged.

“Mm hm!”

Her eyes zipped around frantically. At that moment, Tsukishima realised he needed to go to the bathroom. And he was going to have to hold it. Indefinitely.

After a moment, Yachi’s eyes lit up and she opened her mouth to speak. Tsukishima was about to thank God for whatever change of topic may have come, when she said:

“Though — I think you had a long-term relationship the last time I heard?”

Oh. Great. “… Yeah. We broke up.”

“Oh, no!” she cried. “Urgh, sorry for asking! Was it — no, wait, I’ll just stop asking personal questions…”

Tsukishima chugged the last of his water, put it aside, and rested his hand on his cooling drink glass instead. “… It’s fine. Ask away.”

She gazed up at him, wide-eyed. “Um… so, was it a good breakup or a bad breakup?”

Tsukishima took a moment to consider the question. Rather, to consider how he wanted to respond. How he wanted to come across. Earlier, he’d felt almost vindicated that his campaign of openness and honesty had truly and hopelessly failed. He’d done his best, but she would still rather hang out with Yamaguchi and avoid him. Well, that was easier, maybe. That way, he would have felt justified to return to his old self. 

But then she’d shown up. And he couldn’t deny that he’d felt relieved.

Happy, even.

_Ah, fuck it._

“Well, I got cheated on and then dumped. So. You can imagine.”

Yachi slapped one hand over her mouth and clutched her heart with the other. Her voice was frail when it emerged. “Oh… Tsukishima-kun, that’s _terrible_.”

“Yeah,” he said. He took a gulp of his drink and set it down. “Though it was my fault.”

Wow. It went from _at least partially his fault_ to just _his fault_ in just a couple of hours. And he knew what she would say next. _No way, that can’t be true!_ Or, _wow, she must have been a bitch!_ Or, _you totally deserve better!_ None of which were true.

But Yachi just became a little stiff and glanced at him warily. “Oh… how so?”

It occurred to him that he’d never really talked it over with a girl before. She was the type who wanted to look after people, right? But there was every chance she would empathise more with Ichigo than with him. There was every chance she already _knew_. She was observant about people. She could probably see right through him.

Tsukishima straightened himself up. “Well, you might not know this, but I’m not the most affectionate person.” 

Yachi laughed. Then she leaned forward, placing her elbow on the table and her chin in her hand. Listening. 

And it was then that he realised: this was a terrible idea. 

Her food arrived then, and Yachi pushed it right into the middle of the table as a clear sign that it was meant to be shared. She unfolded a napkin onto her lap and placed a few pieces of chicken and vegetables onto a separate plate, before fixing her eyes back on Tsukishima’s face with a tender smile _._

 _Go on,_ the smile said.

He wet his lips. He’d gone over this a million times in his head. Reconstructed it. Reconceptualised it. So how to describe it? Where to even begin? He took his drink in both his hands and talked to it instead. “Well, long story short… she felt neglected. We’d been together since college so I thought it was a given that there was some reason for that. But apparently it wasn’t clear. I hadn’t made my feelings clear. Or, worse than that, I’d given her the opposite impression. Her reasoning behind the cheating was something like… she wanted to see if I’d even care?”

His drink was cool against his palms, now beaded with sweat. He stole a glance at Yachi, who was wincing painfully. 

He wondered if he’d been able to make a face like that back then. 

“Ouch,” she said quietly.

“… Yeah.” 

“A-and she definitely couldn’t have just _told_ you how she felt, huh?” she asked with a shaky smile.

Tsukishima inhaled deeply. “I must have made it hard to communicate about emotional stuff, so I guess she gave up.”

“Hey now, Tsukishima-kun!” Yachi said, banging her fist lightly on the table. He looked at her, eyebrows raised. She just gazed back at him with a gentle sternness. “There’s a limit to how much responsibility you can take, you know!”

He laughed slightly. “I know. I just want to own what I can so maybe it won’t happen again.”

“But you’re already doing so much better, right?” When he looked at her, she smiled widely at him. “I mean, you’re talking about your emotions right now!”

 _Was he?_

Tsukishima had no idea what kind of face he was making. But his heart was warm.

“This doesn’t count,” he said, grabbing a plate and chopsticks. “I’m drunk.”

“You’re not _that_ drunk.”

“I am pretty drunk.”

She raised a resolving finger in the air. “Well, all you have to do is wake up tomorrow and not regret it! If you remember everything and say, _oh, I’m really glad I told all that to Yachi yesterday_ , then it counts!”

“Don’t get it wrong, I’ll definitely regret it.”

“No, you can’t! I’m telling you, you don’t have to!”

He couldn’t help the small smile spreading across his lips. Yachi grinned at him, and then looked at the table, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear. Sitting here, buzzed and slightly argumentative, and watching the edge of her bangs slip out once more in front of her eyes, Tsukishima felt a little brave. 

“You want to know the worst part?” he asked, piling his plate with food.

“Hm?”

“I would have taken her back.” He paused. Had he ever said this out loud? To anyone? He sighed. “I don’t know if I ever managed to tell her that. To this day, maybe she thinks I really didn’t care. Either way, she still decided to end it. But I think I would have wanted to try.”

Yachi frowned deeply, looking up at him as her chin started to wobble. 

“Sorry,” he said, starting to eat out of awkwardness.

“No, no,” she said, wiping her eyes on her napkin. She sighed heavily, and reached out and patted his arm. 

And that was it.

He found himself wondering if it was worth it. This openness thing. He also wondered if anyone had ever shed tears for him before. 

Full of thoughts, and some emotions, he kept eating. All this vulnerability was making him hungry. Though he was feeling a lot more sober all of a sudden. 

“OK,” he said in between swallows. “Your turn.”

“Huh?”

“I told you about my breakup. Now you tell me about yours.”

Yachi’s eyes flew wide. “What…? Y-you’ll let me cry on your shoulder, Tsukishima-kun?”

He cracked up at that. How could she say that with a straight face? 

It was strange. She used to be more nervous around him. But now she was pretty funny. Or maybe she just knew how to make him laugh. 

Either way, it was concerning.

Tsukishima rested his cheek against his fist. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m terrible at comforting people. It’ll just make me feel better if your story is half as pathetic as mine.”

She laughed, and took hold of her drink with both hands. “Um… well, it was only a short relationship, but pretty intense. We just clung onto each other immediately. Well, maybe I clung onto…” She laughed nervously, and shrugged her shoulders tightly. “We were both kind of in a bad place when we met. I just — I was having a hard time in work and… every day, we’d just get into our pyjamas and curl up watching stuff on TV or Youtube. I pretended like that was what I wanted to do, but… it really felt like _all_ I could do.”

“So you enabled each other?”

She nodded slowly. “Well, eventually she—”

She faltered on the word. And Tsukishima’s first thought was, _oh_. His second thought was, _hey, I was right._ And his third thought was not a thought at all. It was just his heart. Sinking.

Yachi inhaled a trembling breath. She looked down, laughing weakly. “Well, she said she wanted to be with someone more… spontaneous and extroverted and adventurous. Even though — I mean, I wasn’t the only one who wasn’t like that, right?”

Tsukishima gave a short sigh, and abruptly put a lid on his feelings. Yachi’s eyes widened and she glanced at him, nervous.

He turned to her. “So… do you want the sympathetic response or the logical response?”

She made a face. “Well, now I’m kind of curious.”

“If you were having a hard time, she should have supported you,” he said. He paused, pushing the last bits of food around on his plate. “I’m sure you would have done the same for her. Though you’re probably not the type who can ask for help so easily, right?”

She clutched her head. “Wah! How did you know!”

“You might not know this,” he said loftily, halfway through realising he’d used this same line earlier, “but I’m actually somewhat observant.”

She had hit his arm before he’d even finished. And then she started laughing. “Wait, wait, wait — was that supposed to be sympathetic or logical?”

“Logical.”

“So what’s the sympathetic response, then?”

Tsukishima’s eyes squinted as he tried to put on a concerned face. “… That’s rough.”

Yachi spluttered and laughed, hiding her grin in her hands. Tsukishima smiled. The lid of the box was uncomfortably strained. But it would get easier.

“So that’s the reason you’re trying to be more sociable?” he asked, still nursing his drink. 

“Hey — it’s not like I wanted to be anxious and unsociable! It was just a wakeup call, really.”

“Well, you’re doing good,” he said, glancing at her. 

Raising her glass, she grinned. “Let’s support each other, hm?”

He nodded and clinked it. So, she had seen through him after all.

* * *

The hug seemed too awkward, just the two of them, as they stepped out of the bar into unexpected drizzle. Her place was in the opposite direction. He never carried an umbrella.

“You can text me when you get home, if you want,” he said as they were parting. Yachi’s eyebrows raised high. Tsukishima cleared his throat. “I mean, if it makes you feel better.”

She laughed a little, higher than usual. He wondered if he’d made it weird. “Oh, er, sure! Thank you!”

He didn’t allow himself to think about the other issue, until he was home, in his sweatpants, with his head back against the sofa and his eyelids closed. His headphones snug and silencing around his ears.

And he thought. You know. It was actually easier this way. He’d been right all along. It was satisfying to be right. Frankly, he should have been thankful that she trusted him enough to come out to him. He assumed Yamaguchi already knew. Hadn’t he said something along those lines, the first time they all met up again?

_It’s not like any of us had a chance with her in the first place._

Yeah. In high school, Yamaguchi liked Yachi. But Yachi liked Shimizu-senpai. Tsukishima could see it all clearly, but he couldn’t understand it. Couldn’t they just shut those feelings up? Wouldn’t that be the logical thing to do? Even when he himself occasionally felt a tugging in his chest when Yachi laughed freely at some stupid thing Hinata did; or offered him the strawberries off her slice of Christmas cake that she’d made for them in third year; not to mention the weird anxiety that came with overthinking which chocolate she’d prefer for an obligatory White Day gift and the humiliation of actually presenting it to her. The way his stomach swooped when her face lit up and she laughed and stammered, “O-oh, Tsukishima-kun! How’d you know these were my favourite?”

(Because he was paying attention, of course.)

Still. Those were just a handful of moments over three years of high school. He kept a lid on it. Maybe he was right and she liked girls, but even if she didn’t (or if she liked both) then maybe his best friend who saw her first had a better shot, and was more deserving anyway. That was his logic back then. There was no point letting those brief, insignificant flutterings have their way. There was no point getting involved.

So, what about now?

He actually jumped when his phone buzzed in his pocket, and he took it out, heart hammering. Wow, he was really this stupid, huh? He was really _this_ stupid?

He stared at her message for awhile, wondering if the witty comeback that popped into his head was too much. Her texts were cute. She was cute. Was she _being_ cute, or was she just that cluelessly cute?

After all, there was always a chance she liked both.

Tsukishima brought his phone to his forehead and sighed deeply.

Nope. Not helpful. 

Not helpful at all.


	8. Chapter 8

Yachi Hitoka  
  
**Today** 11:30 AM Hey! I’ll be around the museum district today, want to meet for lunch or coffee or something?  
If you have a break I mean!!  
I’m on leave today  
😐   
😒  
Sorry  
No no I shouldn’t have assumed!  
It’s fine, though? I’m usually there  
Next time then!  
Yeah, sure  
I’m sure you’ve been to the Mozart cafes, but the new cafes in Tohoku also aren’t bad  
It’s a bit further out but Nihachi is a good place to go  
I guess it’s a bit quirky though  
Oooh I know that place! With the cute homey vibe? It’s nearer the art museum right? I used to go there in college a lot when we’d do studies at the gallery  
Oh, cool  
I wouldn’t call it cute though  
I’m surprised we didn’t run into each other more!  
I guess  
Let’s go there sometime then 👍   
Sure  
I’ll have to extend my lunch break though  
😨   
Why did you suggest it then?!?!  
I was making suggestions for you for today  
It’s not like it’s a problem taking a long lunch?  
I thought you were being strangely enthusiastic…  
Now I feel bad though  
Why is it strange  
Wait why  
Don’t  
You’re sure??  
Yes Yachi-san  
OK 👍   
Is that supposed to be convincing  
It is!  
Well enjoy your day off!  
It’s meh, but thanks  
If you’re bored why don’t you go to the museum? I hear there is a quirky cafe nearby  
Ha  
😝  



	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Thanks for all the comments and kudos so far, they make me so happy! My full lockdown just got extended 'til March, but writing this story and reading your comments is really keeping me going and helps me feel connected, so I just wanted to shoutout a thanks. It means a lot! I hope you all are doing OK too.
> 
> Anyway, hope you continue to enjoy and thanks again for reading :)

Tsukishima slept it off, and in the morning he zipped up his feelings with his tracksuit jacket and went for a run. He could not think about how much he apparently liked Yachi when he was too preoccupied with how much he definitely hated running.

By the time he got home, he had barely any positive feelings left at all.

You know. Just the way it should be.

* * *

On nice days, Tsukishima would grab a sandwich from the museum restaurant or take his bento and eat it in Aobayama park. Even if he had to sit on a rock or a slope of earth under the viridescent canopy just to avoid the tourists, that was fine. Avoiding his coworkers in the break room was a plus, too. He put on his headphones and enjoyed the forest sights without the sounds, like the opposite of listening to meditation music. 

He checked the temperature every day on his phone. He watched it climb to a crest and then fall back down again. Marking the passage of time by the lengthening and shortening of days. 

One needed to create one’s own excitement in life.

He’d been working for — he had to count — three years already. 

In summer, he’d look forward to the volleyball season. In winter, he couldn’t wait for it to end.

He took out his phone and thought about taking a picture of the forest-like view, like some sort of influencer. He thought about sending it to Yachi. With a caption: _screw my other ideas, let’s just have a picnic._

She would probably think he was being sarcastic. But he could see them sitting here. He thought she’d like it. He’d inevitably end up talking about the castle walls and the excavation site and after a while he’d say, _this isn’t interesting at all, is it?_

She’d look up at him with a bright smile. _No, no! It’s fascinating!_

Her texts were full of exclamation marks. So was her voice in his head. Tsukishima was never sure if it was from nerves or earnestness. But it made his chest feel weird.

God. He was making himself sick. Maybe he’d have to start jogging on his lunch breaks too. Sighing, he packed up his trash and started a slow lope back to the museum.

So — date ideas. That was fine. Maybe he could use that some other time. With some other girl. There was also the botanical garden at Tohoku University, with all its red maple leaves and sad willows. Did she know that ferns were two hundred million years older than dinosaurs? An entire era before flowering plants. 

_Wow, Tsukishima-kun, you know so much about old stuff!_

Why were all his date ideas within walking distance of his workplace? So he could show off his random knowledge about old stuff, of course. Though if he were to give a girl a bouquet a ferns it probably wouldn’t be so well received.

A coworker met him along the way and told him someone had just stopped by looking for him.

He sped up a little.

Akiteru was sitting on the wall of the wheelchair ramp outside the blocky grey building. Tsukishima was beyond irked — mainly at himself for getting his hopes up.

His brother hopped to his feet as Tsukishima approached. “Yo! Coming back from lunch already?”

“I always come back around this time.”

“Awh, man. I was hoping to catch up with you.”

“Should have made an appointment.”

Akiteru laughed, and then looked nervous. 

“It was a joke.” Tsukishima slowed to a stop and looked at his phone. He had a few minutes. “Though you should text me first. Did you want something?”

“No, no, just wondering if anything’s new.”

“Not really.”

Sitting back down, Akiteru put his chin in his hand. “Oh, really?”

There was a pause. Tsukishima narrowed his eyes. “Why bother asking if you already know the answer?”

“Oh? What answer?”

“That you ran into Yamaguchi again.”

“What! How’d you know?” Akiteru smiled and raised his eyebrows very high. “He told me that he and Yacchan went to one of your practice matches recently.”

There it was. Tsukishima ignored the pointedness of the statement and sat down beside his brother. “I’m surprised you didn’t know that already.” 

“Ah, I had a deadline that day so I couldn’t go.”

Tsukishima sighed a little. 

“You’re back in touch with her, then?”

“Back? We were never in touch.”

“Well, back hanging out with her, then.”

“We never—”

“You know what I mean,” said Akiteru, punching his arm. He looked around, feigning innocence and intentionally avoiding his eye. Then he elbowed him. “So… anything you want to mention? I won’t tell mom!”

Tsukishima looked his brother dead in the eye. “What makes you think there’s something to mention?”

“Just a hunch?” he pressed, niggling that elbow into Tsukishima’s ribs.

Tsukishima squirmed away, then straightened up. “You know, it really says something about you that you think any relationship between a guy and a girl must have some romantic potential. How’s Saeko-san, by the way?”

Akiteru made a guttural sound. Tsukishima felt he deserved a round of applause for that one.

“It’s — it’s because I know my li’l bro!” Akiteru came back with, lifting a fist into the air. “And I always thought she had a bit of a thing for you!”

“Saeko-san?”

“No! Yacchan, of course!”

That tugged Tsukishima’s interest. Slightly. “I’m pretty sure she didn’t.”

“You didn’t hear the way she used to talk about you! Like about how smart and cool you were.”

“That’s just being observant.”

Akiteru laughed and lunged at him as if about to give him a noogie. Tsukishima rose to his feet and started for the museum door. 

“Oh, come on!” sighed Akiteru, jogging behind him. “Just remember how she came running down with me when you got injured in the Shiratorizawa match?”

Tsukishima did have a vague memory of that. “I don’t.”

“Awh. And she said so many nice things about you.” 

“She’s just a nice person.”

“Incompatible with you, then, I suppose?”

For once in his life, Tsukishima was sorry for the automatic door. He could have swung it shut on his brother’s face. He glanced back at Akiteru and studied his expression for a moment. 

“Yeah,” he said. “You’re probably right.”

It was a revelation. Here he was, pining for the first girl who looked twice at him since Ichigo. Well, not quite, but the first he had any sort of connection to. But it was _Yachi_. She was all overeager about stuff, and sensitive, and lovely — and totally not his type. He couldn’t say whatever he wanted without having to worry about hurting her feelings. He couldn’t be a lazy jerk sometimes without getting chastised for not _doing his best_. Sure, you couldn’t expect your partner to be exactly like you, but you should have _some_ things in common. The only things they had in common were that they were both introverted, and single, and probably lonely. Which was not a good basis for a relationship.

It was obvious now. He was so distracted by this _what if_ question of whether or not he even had a chance with her that he forgot the reality of the situation. Did he actually see himself with Yachi? Did they even make _sense?_ The truth was clear. These feelings weren’t smart. They weren’t rational. And, thus, they were useless.

Well, perhaps they had some uses: they proved that he could feel that thrill of excitement for someone again. That a girl could still laugh at his jokes. That he could — with no ulterior motive — open up to someone. And not even _completely_ regret it.

“You’re a genius,” he said, patting Akiteru on the shoulder.

“I’m sorry, I’m a _what?”_

“Studies show that opposites don’t actually attract.” Tsukishima fixed his glasses. “Or was it that they don’t sustain functioning relationships? Either way, it makes no sense to have feelings for Yachi.”

“Wait — so you _do_ have feelings for her?”

“Evidently not.”

“You… you know that’s not how it works, right?”

Tsukishima smiled widely and clapped his brother on the arm. “Thanks for stopping by, Nii-chan. I have to go back to work now.”

He spun around and strode through the door, letting it slide shut on his brother. And his feelings. Once and for all.


	10. Chapter 10

Yachi Hitoka  
  
**Today** 12:02 AM Hey… are you still up?  
Yeah  
Why?  



	11. Chapter 11

Tsukishima waited approximately fifteen minutes for a reply to their very cryptic conservation. They had been drinking earlier. Everything was fine. No stray emotions. No undeserved hope. Then they went home. Yamaguchi said the line. Text me when you get home safe.

This was not that text.

_So what was it?_

Feeling oddly spontaneous, he hit the call button.

She answered after about a nanosecond of ringing. Street noises were all he could hear for another five billion or so.

“Hello?” he asked.

“Oh, ah, hi! D-did you call me? I mean — you’re calling me!”

“Yeah. We’re talking on the phone.” There was a silence. He thought, _most awkward booty call ever, or…?_ “Did you want something? You texted suddenly and then never replied.”

“Oh, no! NO, don’t worry! It’s nothing — you know what? Forget it, it’s silly.”

“What happened, Yachi-san?”

He heard her swallow. “No, really, it’s nothing. My… my bag just got stolen, that’s all.” 

Tsukishima froze.

She laughed nervously. “Weird, right?”

“Where?” 

“Oh, just h-here! You know. On the street…”

Tsukishima found himself on his feet. “… Are you OK?”

“Y-yeah, I’m fine! Totally fine! I guess I didn’t really like that bag, anyway. Ha ha.” She paused, voice muffling slightly. “It’s just that… my keys were in the bag, so now I’m locked out. I’m sure it’s OK, though. What can ya do? Ha ha. I mean — wait, what if they’ve been stalking me and know where I live? Do I go to my place and confront them? What if they’re following me right now?! Do I call the police??” Stopping abruptly, she inhaled a frantic giggle. “So, anyway, I was just sitting here wondering all this, you know, a-and then it hit me — I have literally no idea what to do in this situation! And I call myself an adult!?”

Tsukishima barely knew where to begin. “It’s highly unlikely they can do anything with your keys. But there’s no point going home. Unless your neighbours have a spare set.”

“I don’t talk to my neighbours….”

“What about your mom?”

“Sh-she’s on a business trip! Argh, and my old keys are at my place too! A-and I don’t want to call her, either, she’d be worried to death!”

Tsukishima’s eyes widened as the next most obvious solution occurred to him. Oh, no. No, no, no. His gaze swept his apartment. The stovetop he hadn’t wiped down in — he didn’t know how long. A day and a half’s worth of dishes in the sink. He just vacuumed last weekend and suddenly, dust. Dust everywhere. Decisive, he moved around swiftly, hoisting up the pile of laundry that inhabited his desk chair. Kicking a pair of semi-clean running shorts into the wardrobe.

“So — sorry to ask this, but could I… could I come to your place?” She stammered badly. “J-just to stay somewhere that isn’t the street while I search for a hotel or something to stay in, I just — I know you live downtown, right? And I could stay here, but—”

Tsukishima chucked the last of the dirty clothes into the hamper and stomped it down. He swallowed, hoping his voice sounded normal. “Can you walk back to the bar?”

She sighed, heavy with relief. “Mm!”

“I’ll meet you there.” He was about to hang up when another thought came to him. “Do you want to stay on the phone until then?”

“Oh, great idea!”

_Yeah, I’m just a genius, aren’t I?_

He gave the apartment one last regretful glance. The recipe book on the countertop made him seem cultured. The dead shiso plant on the windowsill suggested otherwise. He could dump it on his way out. He could. But what was he trying to do, anyway? What was the point in presenting a slightly more polished version of himself? Well, maybe there was nothing wrong with that. Of course you’d fix your hair and put on a good shirt for a first date. But by the hundredth or two hundredth you’d feel more comfortable in those sweat shorts and that threadbare t-shirt, and maybe you wouldn’t mind your partner knowing you’re the type to leave your herbs to wither and die for a month or longer after you’d finished harvesting them.

Not that any of that applied to this situation. Because this wasn’t a date. 

God, he wanted to get rid of it.

Tsukishima met eyes with himself in the bathroom mirror, deadpan. Sighing, he combed his fingers through his hair a few times as he slipped on his flip-flops and left.

* * *

“It smells like smoked mackerel,” he said, as they were coming down the hall. “Because I ate smoked mackerel for lunch.”

“O-OK,” she laughed.

She’d commented on how quickly he must have changed into his lounge wear. He apologised for his knees. She replied that she spent most of high school looking at his knees, and then added that that sounded weirder than she meant it.

Tsukishima wondered if his knees had aged as well as the rest of him.

He fumbled with the keys and opened the door, bracing himself. He stepped back to let her in ahead of him. “Also, it’s small.”

The place actually had a nice sized kitchen, all recently fitted, and three-quarters of a wall separating it from the bedroom. It got bigger towards the back — the architectural phenomenon of non-parallel walls. He was pretty minimalist on the decor so it wasn’t too cramped either. Altogether, a pretty decent space.

Yachi’s eyes were wide as she stepped in and looked around. “What? It’s pretty big!”

“Yeah, I was just being modest. It is pretty big.”

She spluttered a little and thumped his arm.

God. That was a total accident. “For a studio, I mean.”

“Yeah, and in the middle of town?” She stared around curiously for a moment. Tsukishima felt very naked. The pictures on the wall were there when he moved in. Cheap black and white prints of bridges and skyscrapers. He didn’t know what else to put up, so he left them. But it bothered him.

“It’s not like I earn a lot,” he found himself saying. He walked from one side of the room to the other. “I just spent a long time looking and eventually got lucky. The luxury of moving back in with your mom after a breakup.”

“Woooow,” said Yachi.

“I guess I could have found something sooner, but then I wouldn’t have had any excuses not to start dating again.”

“Heh,” said Yachi.

Tsukishima scratched the back of his head. Now he really had no excuses, and he still hadn’t started. He looked around, as if seeing the place for the first time through her eyes. He couldn’t tell if it was more or less tidy than the place he’d shared with Ichigo. “You’re the first girl that’s been in here. So. Consider that an honour.”

What was he saying?

“Sorry. I’m being weird.”

“No, no, it’s fine!” She laughed, somewhat unhinged. “It’s distracting me from how much I’m imposing!”

“Right. I mean, no, you’re not. I don’t really like having people here, but… it’s fine.”

Wow. Some things that were supposed to be genuine sounded so disingenuous when said out loud.

Yachi gazed up at him and nodded with her eyes wide open. “I’m—” She giggled, which sort of turned into a hiccough, which sort of turned into a sob. She pressed her hand over her mouth. “Um. Can I use your bathroom?”

He pointed at the door they hadn’t come through. She bowed rigidly and fled, slamming the door shut behind her. He heard her squeak and apologise on the other side. To the door or to him? It was unclear.

Tsukishima collapsed onto the sofa. He squinted his eyes open and looked around again, wondering if he could straighten the place up some more before she came out. But it was too late already. She had already seen his shame.

(OK, so he was fairly certain that even on his worst days he was still tidier than ninety percent of people their age. And this wasn’t even that bad of a day. But he would rather be perceived as someone who was tidier than ninety-nine or a hundred percent of people their age. And that was annoying.)

(Whether it was more annoying that his tidiness standard was too high or that he actually cared how he was perceived, he hadn’t decided.)

Fifteen minutes passed, and Yachi did not emerge from the bathroom. Tsukishima sat there, tired, and debated his course of action. Leave her alone. Or knock on the door and ask if she was OK.

He despised this.

After another five minutes, he heard some very intense nose blowing and then the flush of the toilet. A moment later, the door cracked open.

“S-sorry about that,” she said, grimacing and tucking tissue paper into her sleeves. “I just needed a good cry.”

Tsukishima froze. This was worse than he expected. He was way out of his element here. “It can be traumatising. Getting robbed.”

“Oh, no, it’s nothing like that!” She laughed breathily. “I just — this is going to sound so stupid.”

Tsukishima said nothing.

“Promise you won’t laugh.”

“I can’t promise that.”

Yachi inhaled deeply. “I just — I have to call my landlady, right?” Her mouth twisted into a frown, and then she burst into tears. 

Tsukishima leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. At a total loss. “… Is your landlady mean?”

“She’s lovely!” wailed Yachi. She threw her hands up and then dropped her face into them. “I just hate phonecalls! I can’t do it! It seriously scares me!”

“Oh. Er, sorry for calling you earlier, then.”

“No, don’t be, it’s not as bad when someone calls _me_ …” She gasped. “Oh! Can I send her a text asking her to call me?” She thought for a moment, rubbing her chin. “No… nope, that’s still terrifying.”

Shaking her head, she pulled the tissues from her sleeve and blew her nose again, then dabbed below her eyes and checked the tissue for makeup. Desperately searching for a way to change the topic, Tsukishima asked, “So… what else was in your bag?”

“My purse — argh, shit! I need to call the bank too!”

As she groaned in frustration, Tsukishima got up and grabbed a notepad and pen from the shelf. He moved to the breakfast bar, pulling out the two stools that were tucked underneath. He’d always intended to buy cushions for them because they were uncomfortable as hell. But he never sat there, anyway. And he rarely had people over.

He flipped to a fresh page and wrote:

1\. Calling your bank

2\. Calling your landlady

3\. Calling your mom

“Which of these is the least scary?” he asked, passing her the notepad. Yachi tucked her hair behind her ear, reading it with interest. She sat on the stool next to him. She didn’t say anything about the discomfort.

“Oh… God, they’re all so bad. But… calling the bank, I guess?”

“Well, that’s good. You can’t really call your landlady until tomorrow, anyway. So first you can practice by calling the bank and reporting your cards as stolen. They probably have a twenty-four-hour line.”

“ _What—?_ ” she shrieked. “I said it was least scary, but that doesn’t mean it’s _easy!”_

“You’re just going to have to do it,” he said. He met her gaze, knowing that wasn’t a helpful thing to say. But it was true. Her red-rimmed eyes were wide, but fell to the table as she wrinkled her brow.

He started writing on the page again. “Talking on the phone sucks, I hate it too. So I just think of it as a challenge to get in and out as efficiently as possible. You know how the person on the other end has their customer service voice? Well, you can have your customer voice. Get your account number ready — you can probably find it in the banking app — and write it down. Then all you have to say is what I’ve written here.”

He finished his script, then passed her the notepad. She read it, moving her lips slightly. Her shoulders were scrunched up to her ears.

“Your brain is going to do everything it can to stop you,” he said. “So you either have to find a way to shut it out, or decide to make your brain _make_ your hand press the button.”

She chewed her lip, reaching behind to touch her phone in her back pocket. She clenched her fist and dropped her head. Laughing shakily, she asked, “I mean, what’s the chances they even try to use my card, anyway?”

Tsukishima stared at her.

She gazed at the script and gulped. “I really have to do it?”

“You really have to do it.” He paused, watching her tighten and loosen her fists. “I’ll go to the konbini if you prefer not being overheard.”

She started to protest, but then glanced up at him in awe. “You — you’d really do that?”

“Yeah. I forgot I have to get toothpaste, anyway.”

Swallowing, she took the paper in both her hands and laid in gently on the table in front of her. She sighed heavily. “… Thanks, Tsukishima-kun.”

He nodded. He suddenly found he was having a hard time looking at her. “The more you think about it, the less you’ll want to do it, so—”

“Yes, you’re right! I’ll do it right now! If — if you don’t mind!”

He grabbed his keys again and his wallet from the table by the door. They nodded at each other, and then he left.

* * *

Tsukishima walked slowly to the shop and browsed the aisles longer than was really necessary. He felt sweaty, his skin itchy with discomfort. Sobbing girls in his kitchen weren’t exactly his forte. He had locked the door behind him, hoping it might comfort her. He didn’t know if he’d done the right thing. But he needed to get out of there.

Ichigo never cried. Once, she woke up with her period and realised she’d run out of pads. He had to call her from the supermarket to ask which brand and type she wanted. He brought her a pile of chocolate, too. There was an odd sense of pride to it. That modern day chivalry or something.

Tsukishima didn’t really mind being single. But every so often he felt that twinge of nostalgia for the closeness. Both physical and emotional. Depending on someone. Being depending upon. Feeling like a team.

Not that he was ever any good at that.

The condoms were staring him down as he picked out the toothpaste. He’d been meaning to get some of those. It occurred to him out of the blue that it was entirely possible that his fixation with Yachi in the first place was just a distraction. It was much easier to invest emotional energy in deciphering context clues in conversations and scrolling endless social media posts for a pink gradient flag emoji or a blue and pink gradient flag emoji than to, you know, just find a girl who was definitely into guys and definitely into him. It’s not like they weren’t out there. Somewhere. Focussing on a girl who was arguably neither of those things was just a convenient excuse.

Anyway, now was not the time for buying condoms.

Right?

No, it definitely wasn’t. What a sleazebag move. Jesus Christ. Way to set the expectations.

Tsukishima had no expectations. Or hopes. Or feelings. 

She was literally _sobbing_ a few minutes ago. What the hell was wrong with him?

He must have been seriously desperate. He grabbed some fugashi and a pack of tissues and headed to the checkout. 

On second thought, he threw in a packet of gum. Because that was just good manners for any occasion.

* * *

When he returned, Yachi was washing the dishes. 

“Oh… you don’t have to do that.”

She just gave him a big, soapy thumbs up. 

“I’m guessing it was a success?”

“Yeah! It was so easy.” She laughed, but stopped abruptly. “I mean, my heart felt like it was going to literally burst out of my chest and I wanted to die but… once I got talking, it actually wasn’t so bad.”

“Well, just try to remember that for tomorrow.”

Yachi slumped a little.

“I say that, but your body already has the panic built in, no matter what you try to tell yourself. It takes time for your brain to fully correct that. If it ever does.” She glanced back at him with a funny expression. Tsukishima sat on one of the stools and paused. “I’m making things worse again, aren’t I?”

“Actually… you’re kind of good at this.”

He cringed. “I’m really not.”

“You kind of are, though! You’re so… _no nonsense_. My head is full of nonsense.”

Tsukishima thought about that. And he thought about what he’d said to his brother the other day. Opposites don’t attract. Or at least they don’t necessarily have functioning relationships.

He cleared his throat. “In case it needs to be said… you’re welcome to stay the night.”

Yachi dropped what she was holding into the sink and yelped as the water splashed her. Tsukishima guessed it did need to be said, after all.

“Oh, Tsukishima-kun… you really don’t have to!”

“It’s not a big deal,” he said. He yawned, gesturing vaguely around. “It’s late. You’re already here. I have a spare futon.”

She dried her hands in a tea towel, turning to study him with concerned eyes. He tried his best to meet her gaze, and genuinely.

“Not to mention, you can’t pay for a hotel room with cancelled bank cards.”

Yachi’s hands flew to her head.

“That was an oversight on my part. Sorry. I was panicking.”

“ _You_ were panicking?”

“ _You_ were sobbing.”

Yachi sighed heavily, hiding her face in her hands. He felt his body tense up, prepared for tears. But she just shook her head desperately. “Shit, Tsukishima-kun… I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have to put up with me like this!”

Tsukishima sensed there was a lot behind that statement. Being parentified from a young age by her mother, maybe. The girlfriend who dumped her in the midst of an ongoing anxiety attack definitely not helping at all. And being the type of personality who gives and gives and potentially resents never actually getting anything in return. But simultaneously rejecting any attempts at being taken care of. 

That was a lot of baggage. And it wasn’t attractive baggage. And it wasn’t baggage he was in any way equipped or eager to deal with. There’s something in there about being drawn to people whose traumas fit yours. But he wasn’t sure that was quite it either.

“God!” she cried, cringing. “How self-deprecating was that?”

“You’re self-deprecating your self-deprecation?”

Yachi expelled a short laugh. “I guess I am!”

After a moment, Tsukishima shrugged. “Last time, we toasted to supporting each other. So it’s fine.”

She twisted the towel in her hands and flicked her eyes around the apartment again, before they landed on him once more. “Y-you’re sure?” she asked.

He nodded. “You don’t know how much I hate doing the dishes. I feel like I owe you now.”

She laughed delightedly at that. And he was just relieved that her laugh no longer wobbled like she might burst into tears again at any moment. “Are you serious? I love washing dishes, it’s my favourite! I should come over and do them for you all the time — and you could do my dusting! The places I can’t reach, at least.”

“That doesn’t sound like a fair deal. I accept.”

Tsukishima was about to mention how Ichigo also hated doing the dishes, and how everything got stacked up throughout the week until they’d fight about who had to clean them. Then he realised he probably didn’t need to keep bringing her up all the time. Or thinking about her all the time. Or comparing her to every girl he liked from now on. And, also, that maybe it was OK in a relationship to have some differences after all.

At that moment, Yachi glanced around and caught him staring absently at her. She smiled timidly, letting out a brief laugh, and turned back to the dishes. 

He looked down, truly lost for words. He rummaged in his bag, placed the fugashi and tissues on the counter, and rose to his feet. “Those are for you. I’ll set up the futons.”


	12. Chapter 12

After a few moments, the sound of the sink draining reached his ears. Yachi came around the three-quarter wall.

Tsukishima looked up from kneeling on the floor. “I forgot to ask. Are you actually tired?”

“Wide awake,” she replied, cringing. She waved her hands. “But don’t let me keep you up or anything!”

She dabbed at the front of her sweater with a tea towel. Tsukishima stared at the patch of water and the ripped jeans she was wearing. “I don’t have any… oh.”

Rising to his feet, he went to the wardrobe and rummaged around at the back. From it he withdrew one eye-sore of a shocking pink t-shirt with sequins declaring, _Rio de Janeiro, Brasil._

Yachi’s mouth fell open, and then she burst out laughing. “You — you’ve kept that all this time?” 

“It’s too ugly to give to a charity shop. But you could wear it to bed if it’s more comfortable.”

“Wait, what about _my_ ugliness??”

Sniggering, he tossed it to her anyway. He searched a bit longer for a pair of tracksuit shorts with a drawstring that might — with some adjustment — potentially fit her.

“Tsukishima-kun, you r-really don’t have to—”

“Can you stop saying that? I know I don’t have to.”

Reluctantly, she agreed to try them on — on the basis that the t-shirt was too funny not to. When she emerged from the bathroom like she was drowning in pink jello, it was Tsukishima who dissolved into laughter and couldn’t seem to stop. Yachi joined in when she caught sight of herself in the mirror. Eyes streaming, she insisted they had to take a selfie. Her — laughing genuinely with her eyes crinkled shut. Him — staring off-camera with the biggest _trying-not-to-smile_ smile he’d ever seen. When she starting going on about sending it to the group, he said maybe it wasn’t a good idea. 

“Huh? Why’s that?”

“I wouldn’t want anyone to get jealous.”

“Jealous?” she asked, blinking up at him. He stared at her, realising for the first time that perhaps she was totally oblivious to the fact that, at one point or another, they were all completely smitten with her. Even if half of them repressed it.

Explaining that might show his hand, though. So he changed tactics. “We wouldn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea.”

Her eyes widened. “Oh, right! Well, I guess not!”

Tsukishima felt his brow crease. How defenceless could she be? Had it never occurred to her that, however they rationalised it, staying at his place had… implications? And if it hadn’t — well, shit. That was one more check mark to say that she had never thought of him that way. 

He stood for a moment, wrestling those thoughts to the back of his mind. He’d been trying to come up with something for them to do for a bit before going to sleep. TV was a bad idea — they’d probably spend more time deciding what to watch. Youtube? Same problem, only his history was ninety-five percent post-Covid economics and five percent eels squeezing themselves into sushi rolls, so God knows what kind of recommendations would appear. 

Talking… Oh, who was he kidding.

After much thought, he asked, “Do you want to play Animal Crossing?” 

She let out a short burst of laughter. “What. Really?”

“Yeah.”

“You have Animal Crossing?”

“Yeah.” Her eyebrows were high. He shrugged. “I got it during lockdown. Well, I got it for Ichigo.”

He moved to the desk to turn on his monitor and check the controller had any battery left. When he glanced back, she was still staring at him, smiling slightly in awe. He averted his eyes. “There’s a beautiful museum. And have you heard the music in there? It’s majestic.”

She laughed and clasped her hands. “Can I watch you play?”

“… Sure.” 

Tsukishima sat down in front of the sofa, because it was small and he felt awkward. But she just ended up sitting on the floor next to him, hugging her knees. 

They didn’t say anything while he collected his fossils in the dark and, when that was done, ran a perimeter of the island with his fishing rod. He’d suggested this because he didn’t know if she liked games or had any skill, and it would easily put them to sleep. But he couldn’t help but think it truly was the weirdest game to watch someone play.

After expressly complimenting his fishing skills, she asked, “Is this where you learned about the… uh, what was it? Blackberry shark?”

“The blackbelly lanternshark?” His eyebrows raised high as he grinned. “You’ve got a good memory.”

“Well, it was a vitally important conversation, after all.”

He laughed aloud at that. For some reason. It was extremely uncomfortable to feel so _seen_. Very obscure shark references from ten years ago. Yes. OK. Great.

“But, you know,” she started, voice growing wistful as he reached the limit of his inventory and started heading for the museum. “It sticks in my mind because it felt like the first time all of us first years were just… just joking around together and being silly. You know? We hadn’t really, um, bonded much until then. Ah — well, maybe I’m being presumptuous! I mean, I joined way after the rest of you, so how should I know—”

“No, you’re right.” His hands stilled once he entered the museum, the music chiming in his heart for a moment. Fish or dinosaurs first? Maybe she’d want to see the butterflies. “You were the glue.”

“Huh?”

Yachi turned to look at him. Tsukishima kept his eyes fixed on the screen. He usually donated his fossils one by one so he could get the descriptions, but that was a lot of dialogue to get through.

“Anyway… I’m offended that you thought I’d learn something like that from Animal Crossing.”

“Oh, but I played it when I was younger too! Remember how you could make your own constellations in the sky?”

“I didn’t play it back then. I barely play it now.” He paused, glancing at her. “Could you make the actual constellations?”

“Hm… no, I don’t think it was like a perfect match or anything.”

“Lame.”

Once his donations were done, Tsukishima took a tour of the museum he had curated so diligently. Was that impressive or pathetic? He was proud of it, anyway, and he found himself wondering exactly why people go on dates to museums and galleries, aquariums and scenic walks. Bonding over shared passions, maybe. A certain mood. But this was a game. He felt stupid, his feelings one-sided. But she oohed and aahed in all the right places. 

They talked little, but that was fine, too. He thought — decided, really — that he was perfectly content spending this time together as friends. Yes, he was going around in circles. No, it didn’t matter. Being close was being close. It didn’t _need_ to be anything else.

“What does your name mean again?” he asked, some time later, after she gasped aloud when a shooting star crossed the horizon. He knew he could wish on it by pushing a certain button, but he didn’t know which. So he didn’t.

“Huh?”

“Your name.” He peered sideways again, feeling awkward at having to put obvious effort into looking at her. He hadn’t thought that her wearing his clothes would have any real effect — surely that was some neanderthal brain stuff. Turns out he had a neanderthal brain. “You like that kind of thing, right?”

“Oh — y-yeah.” She folded her hands. “Well, Yachi is _marshland_. And Hitoka is _compassionate flower_.”

He didn’t say anything, just ran about underneath the clear night sky. “Oh.”

“ _Oh?_ W-why _oh?”_

“I don’t know. I expected it to be more… celestial.”

There was a very weird pause. “H-heh?”

Tsukishima glanced at her again, seeing her eyes wide and shiny. The stars in her earlobes hadn’t changed since their initial reunion — a few months ago now. He vaguely remembered a scrunchie or a hair-clip or something back in the day. 

As the hair fell in front of her ears, he thought about reaching his hand out. Tucking it behind her ear. He just gestured instead. “You’ve got this motif going on.”

Yachi’s eyes widened, and she reached up to her earlobe. “Oh, r-right! I forgot…” 

Dropping her hands into her lap, she stared down, smiling shyly.

Tsukishima was suddenly very aware of how close they were sitting — had the gap shrunk? 

After a moment, she raised her eyes tentatively to meet his. For some reason he hadn’t looked away. He couldn’t tell if she was blushing or if it was just the t-shirt reflecting off of her skin. That was stupid. His face was warm. He wanted to kiss her. Did she want him to kiss her? He was getting a vibe now, but… wait, what the heck was going on? 

God, he felt like a teenager again — only he’d had more confidence as a teenager. False confidence, aloof confidence, but confidence nonetheless. Girls liked him. He didn’t need to know why. He just trusted the information in front of him. He read the signals and — once he learned what they meant — acted accordingly. Good signals — great. No signals — well, it’s not like he cared, anyway. Mixed signals — too complicated. He had no intentions of being rejected if he could avoid it. That would be lame. If he cared — which he didn’t. But that was back then.

Now he sort of knew the value of putting yourself out there. Now he knew it felt worse being rejected because you didn’t show your true feelings at all. But right now, showing his feelings and _still_ getting rejected… sounded fucking terrible.

He turned back to the game. 

They were silent for a long time. Eventually, in a quiet voice, Yachi asked, “Aren’t you going to talk to your villagers?” 

“Don’t wanna.”

They called it quits some time later, when Yachi started yawning — big, shuddering, whole-bodied yawns. If this were a movie, maybe she’d fall asleep on his shoulder. This wasn’t a movie. She was about to squeeze toothpaste onto her finger before he told her he’d bought a spare brush at the konbini. Then they brushed their teeth together. Side by side. Strangely intimate. More than a blackbelly lantern in height difference. Meaning that the mirror which was hung too low for him cut her off at the nose. Ridiculous. 

They were oddly giggly about it. He still felt a sort of panicked giddiness from the weird moment earlier and almost choked on the minty foam. He knew he’d already missed his chance — if there was even a chance to begin with — but that was OK. This was kind of fun. He didn’t really feel like fucking that up.

No. He was scared to fuck it up.

* * *

Tsukishima woke early, like when you have to get up for a flight and your body _knows_ somehow, startling you awake five minutes before your alarm. 

It was awkward. They’d agreed to sleep in a bit since it was a Saturday. He should have known it would be impossible. 

He spent as much time as he could on his phone, reading subtitles on videos so as not to disturb her, before getting up, dressing, and heading out for a run. 

When he returned, gently turning the door handle, Yachi was already up. Leaning on the kitchen counter, she jumped when he entered, holding up the recipe she had been poring over. 

“Um, sorry for snooping!” she said, cringing and laughing. She had changed back into her jeans, but still wore the Rio t-shirt — rolling the sleeves up and somehow tying it into a crop top. He wanted to laugh, but — it looked kind of good. The slip of her slim stomach — her pale neck and wispy hairs of her ponytail, messy from the morning — bright, smiling eyes. They’d be the end of him. “But you had these banana pancakes earmarked, and I thought — w-well, maybe I could make them? I-if you don’t mind using up your bananas, I mean—”

Tsukishima wiped the sweat from his forehead, feeling incredibly warm. His heart rate was still high even after his cool down walk. He walked by her and poured a glass of water. “You don’t have to do that.”

When she didn’t respond, he glanced sideways at her. Yachi smiled reluctantly back at him. “You don’t have to keep saying that I don’t have to do things.” The smile turned kind. “I just want to!”

He narrowed his eyes and downed his water. “Fair enough. Pancakes sound good. I’m going to take a shower.”

“Oh, OK! I won’t get in your way!”

When he was done, he sat on one of the stools at the breakfast bar and tapped at his phone, pretending like he wasn’t watching her cook.

“How are you?” he asked after a while, a question he was not accustomed to asking.

“Good, good!” 

“Really?”

Yachi laughed breathily. “Um, so I texted my mom, and she said her neighbour has a key so I can stay there until I can get things sorted out with my landlady. So, I — thanks for having me! I’ll get out of your space as soon as — I mean, whenever you like!”

Tsukishima paused. “I mean, I’m not going to kick you out in the middle of making breakfast.”

Her hands flew to her head. “Argh! I-I wasn’t trying to emotionally blackmail you with pancakes or anything!”

Tsukishima didn’t know how to respond, so he just laughed. She sighed, briefly touching her chest. Tsukishima rested his chin in his hand. “Can I ask you something?”

“Hm?” she asked, eyes flashing like a deer in headlights.

“Why did you text me last night?” She stared at him, swallowing visibly. Tsukishima narrowed his eyes. “I mean, surely Yamaguchi would be the obvious choice.”

She rubbed the back of her head and slumped. “Well, I guess… but then I’d be disturbing his girlfriend too.”

Turning abruptly back to the stovetop, she prodded impatiently at a pancake and flipped it. It was still pale. Tsukishima averted his eyes. “I thought you were going to say it’s because we’ve gotten so much closer.”

“Ah!? But — we have! That goes without saying! If we hadn’t, I would never have been able to text you to begin with!” She laughed suddenly, checking his expression. “Wait — were you hoping I’d say we were close?”

“I just thought it was the type of thing you’d say.”

Yachi smirked at him. “Well, I also thought… not that you’d shake some sense into me, exactly, but… I don’t know. Like you wouldn’t give my crazy thoughts a second thought. So then I might be able to pretend they weren’t happening.”

Unsure of herself, she flipped the pancakes again — then changed her mind and flipped them back. She tilted her head with another sigh. “… Ever feel like you’re going around in circles, Tsukishima-kun?”

“Yeah, but if you leave them longer you won’t need to flip so many times.”

“It’s — I’m nervous, OK, I can’t help it!” Yachi raised up her spatula. “That meltdown last night was exactly why I got dumped. I have a meltdown, and then it goes away for a while and I pretend like that means I’ve made progress, but then it just all builds up again until I have another meltdown and — people just get tired of it, you know?”

Tsukishima stood up. He opened the cabinets and took out some plates to set the table. Yachi’s eyes followed him curiously at first until he briefly met her gaze. 

“Keep going,” he said. “I’m listening.”

She blinked and looked down. “One time, in high school, Hinata helped me out with something like this. I made a grand declaration across the turnstiles at a subway station and everything! And at that moment I thought, I _have_ to change, because if I don’t I’m going to be stuck like this forever. That’s how managing the volleyball club made me feel.” She turned back to flip the pancakes once again. “But sometimes I look at myself and wonder if I’ve even changed at all.”

Maybe he could have — or should have — said something affirming. That she _had_ changed. Because that was obvious. Of course she had changed. In some ways. But there are things that don’t change so easily. 

Feeling like he was hovering uncomfortably over her, Tsukishima paused, then handed her a plate. She piled the pancakes on, then put them in the oven to keep warm. Tsukishima finished setting the table as she started pouring another batch into the pan. He sat down again, chin in his hand, feeling useless once again.

“This might be a patronising question, but… have you ever gone to therapy? Or thought about it?”

She nodded fervently. “A few years ago — my workplace has one of those schemes, so I emailed them. I went into great detail about my phone anxiety and how it was preventing me from doing my job properly. Then, when they replied, guess what they said?”

Tsukishima didn’t say anything.

Yachi smiled tightly. “ _Thanks for emailing — the next step is to phone us on…_ ”

Tsukishima wasn’t sure if he should laugh or not. Yachi dropped her head into her hands and wailed. 

“How could they say that? It was so cruel — too cruel!”

“It’s probably an automated email, you know.”

“I considered it again the last time I got dumped but… Well, what about you Tsukishima-kun?”

Tsukishima blinked. “You think I need therapy?”

“Well, um — s-sure! I think everyone needs therapy at some point!”

“Wow. Thanks for the diplomacy.”

She continued busying herself with cooking, so didn’t look at him when she said, “Getting cheating on is traumatising too, you know.”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes briefly. “I did go once, when my parents got divorced. A family session.”

“Oh?”

“The therapist asked me how I felt about it. I said if getting a divorce makes them less miserable then they should get a divorce.”

Yachi laughed a little tightly. Tsukishima only realised on hearing the words back — that wasn’t a feeling. He’d been asked how he felt, and he’d stated an opinion. He’d even mentioned this before, to various people, and never once noticed the discrepancy. It was almost a brag. _Yes, I’ve always been this logical._

_No, I’ve never had any feelings._

“Did you mean it?” she asked, glancing unassumingly at him.

He thought about it. “Do you know anything about systems theory?”

“N-no — what’s that?”

“In psychology, it’s basically how roles in a group develop. Believe it or not, I was always the cute one in my family.”

“Heh… Cute like cheeky?”

“Sure. My family is a bunch of people who hate conflict and pretend they’re OK when they’re not. So, naturally, it was my job to shake things up when things got too suffocating. Anyway, if I was too devastated, then maybe my parents would have forced themselves to stay together. I think that would have been more traumatising.”

“B-but, either way you were traumatised! And this way you just became another person pretending you’re OK when you’re not!”

He laughed, though that felt like a punch to the gut. “Who needs therapy when your friends say things like that to your face?”

Yachi threw him a cute little scowl. Because she was right and he knew it. 

Tsukishima inhaled deeply. “Then in elementary school my brother taught me that the thing you love most will break your heart, and that trying your best just makes you look pathetic when you fail. I thought I got over that in high school, but as it turns out, loving a person is pretty different to loving a sport. So, college, a couple of relationships I couldn’t commit to… and the one where I actually tried, I ended up looking pathetic anyway. So now I’m terrified to try again. And I don’t know what to do. So, to answer your earlier question — yes, I absolutely feel like I’m going around in circles.”

Yachi stared at him, wide-eyed. Tsukishima felt out of breath. And kind of itchy. 

“Pancakes are burning,” he said.

Yachi shrieked a little. She finished off the last batch and served them along with the ones keeping warm in the oven. Then they ate in silence. The pancakes were still pretty alright.

“When does it start feeling good?” he asked. Yachi looked up at him, cheeks full. Tsukishima sighed. “This honesty thing. Talking about feelings. Everyone always says that talking about your feelings makes you feel better, somehow. But I’m not getting it.”

She swallowed. “Well, it takes time to rewire your brain, right?”

“Who told you that?”

She laughed loudly. Soon after, she sighed. “Well… I think maybe I’ll use calling the bank as practice for calling my landlady, and calling my landlady as practice for calling a therapist.” She fisted her hands and looked up at him, smiling.

“That’s smart,” he said. “Where’d you come up with that?”

Yachi beamed. “What about you, then?”

He sighed, running a hand through his wet hair. “I might… call my dad. See if he wants to go fishing.”

She nodded, as if that meant something. He guessed maybe it did. Romantic relationships weren’t the only ones that needed work, right?

He made tea after breakfast, just to prove he wasn’t that eager to get rid of her. When she did decide to leave, she stopped at the door and turned around to him. 

“So — um, thanks again for having me. For everything.” She glanced up at him quickly before averting her eyes. She laughed sheepishly and rubbed the back of her head. “I know I said I texted you because I thought you’d be helpful, sort of, inadvertently…” Her smile faltered and she looked down. “But I really wasn’t expecting you to be so kind.”

It occurred to him then that some truths and some feelings when said aloud would make you seem pretty unlikeable. He had never worried much about that before. “I wasn’t being kind, though.”

“Huh?”

“I just wanted you to stop crying.”

“That is kind!” 

“Not really. From my perspective, it was purely selfish.”

“Well, n-nonetheless, I appreciate it!” 

Tsukishima fixed his glasses, smiled slightly, and opened the door for her. Yachi backed out the door, laughing.

“Hey, now you’re making me wonder if my emotions are totally normal and I’ve just dated people who can’t handle emotion. This one guy I dated would just up and leave whenever I got a little teary-eyed!”

“That’s exactly how I felt,” said Tsukishima, fighting to keep it cool while his brain literally (but not _literally_ ) exploded. He mouthed a question as it formed, trying to phrase it in a totally normal, not weird way. He knew he was going to fail, but he had to ask while they were on the topic. “Was that while you were figuring things out? Or are you into guys too?”

Her mouth fell open. “No, I — I’m into guys too! I’m bi, you know!”

“I didn’t know.” 

Yachi’s face was stricken. They stared at each other. Her eyes flicked around. “O-oh! Oh, God, I’m so bad at… it’s so awkward, right?”

He shrugged. Yes. Yes, it was.

She laughed nervously. Tsukishima stooped to follow her out the door and lead her down the hall. He fiddled with the keys in his hands, neurons rapidly firing to reformulate the information he’d thought he’d known all along. Yachi was bi. She’d been bi all along. Signals he hadn’t been bothered reading into since forever — wait, signals he’d been unsure about the night before—

He got to the building door and opened it. She breezed passed him with a laugh that now felt like he was having a stroke. “W-well, thanks for having me. Again! I mean, thanks again! I’ve said this like twenty times now! Ha ha! Um — have a nice weekend!”

“Uh, yeah. You too. Have a good one.” 

Yachi turned back briefly with a sort of panicked grimace. He couldn’t help but just stare at her. The midday sun glinted off her earrings and the sequins of the stupid, oversized t-shirt that was technically his, but he still associated more with Hinata. Which made him irrationally jealous. 

Tucking her hair behind her ear, she lowered her gaze before throwing him one last glance as she started off down the street. She sent him a wave and a wobbly smile. He returned the wave.

When she was out of sight, he pulled the door closed and, after a pause, knocked his head against it.

Well. OK. 

_Shit_.


	13. Chapter 13

Yachi Hitoka  
  
**Today** 08:56 PM Hey!  
Sooooo thanks again for the other day, I seriously appreciate it 😬   
It’s no problem  
I was wondering if I could make you dinner to make up for it? At my place! I got a brand new lock fitted and everything 😂  
You don’t have to do that  
Sorry, I forgot I’m not supposed to say that  
You really don’t have to do that though  
It’s fine! I just thought it’d be fun! Haha but on second thought it would probably be awkward right? I’m used to cooking for one  
Wow I made that sound so pathetic huh 😂  
Not really  
I actually hate having people in the kitchen with me  
Ahh me too! It’s so stressful. I do like cooking for people though so it’s complicated 🤔  
It’s because you have anxiety but your love language is acts of service  
Omg it is 😂   
How did you know??  
Haha well I guess it’s obvious huh  
Words of affirmation is a close second!  
Well done  
Lmaooo  
What’s yours?  
Physical touch  
Because like most men it’s the only way I’ve been taught to express affection  
Wow  
That’s deep man  
No it’s shallow, that’s the point  
😂  
Wait so were you joking or not??  
Quality time is a close second  
So…. that was a no to dinner?  
No, I’ve changed my mind, dinner sounds nice  
Oh! Cool! OK! I’ll think of something to cook!  
Don’t sound so chill about it  
👍  
That’s not reassuring  
Do you like western food?  
Yeah  
Though I’m pretty fussy  
Jk I’ll eat anything  
Small portions though?  
Small portions  
I mean  
Not that small  



End file.
